How To Avoid The Money Trap

How to avoid the money trap
By Dee Anne Stiles

Karen was ripe for him to come along. After years of neglect and a mundane lifestyle in her past marriage, Ken's exciting international intrigue, romantic gestures, and wealthy lifestyle swept Karen off her feet. He wined and dined her at the most romantic restaurants and resorts. She had felt so special and appreciated with all his lavish gifts. But, in the end, her heart was broken after she got to know the real deceptive and mean person that he was.

It not just money of course, but the whole lifestyle gambit that money brings: Affluence, big houses, power, appearance, adventure, career, prestige and financial security and freedom. Let's face it, in our materialistic society, the lure of money with its intoxicating call from the lifestyles of the rich and famous can blind us and suck us in to the wrong relationships. There are even books and courses out now about "How to Catch a Millionaire."

Of course, money is a big part of the love match pie. But, many singles have found that money alone does not make for a total, fulfilling and lasting soul mate relationship. There are many wonderful men out there who may not be millionaires but can make life even richer than a millionaire. Think about this little exercise:

Dating Part 1

Bachelor #1: He's got all the inner qualities that touch your heart and soul. He's caring, communicative, charismatic, emotionally mature, fun and optimistic. He loves people and life, has great values and is committed to continuing self-development. He respects women and will treat his soul mate like a princess.

Bachelor #2: He is a Big Man on Campus who can be flashy and likes to play Mr. Big Shot. He's mostly concerned with work, himself and getting ahead at any cost. He's also a control freak, temperamental, highly critical and dictatorial. He hasn't dumped the old baggage, so he's often blocked when it comes to intimacy, communication and the real life values like family and love.

Who would you choose to date?

Dating Part 2

Bachelor #1 is a machine shop worker, shoe salesman or average Joe Corporate Cubicle Worker.

Bachelor #2 is a multi-millionaire business owner who jets around the world to his grandiose homes, high powered meetings, international business events, yacht parties and lavish vacations. Who would you chose to date now?

Sometimes, we don't realize how a big (and often times subconscious) part that money plays in our date and mate selections. But, it makes a huge difference in the final, lasting love outcome if we base our mate selection decision solely on the outer money trapping and the whole inner person. In fact, one dating expert cites that material seduction as one of the biggest dating mistakes we make.

Have you heard your friends or yourself say this before? Patty in Dallas made this observation: "Several of my friends always describe their dates or new guys first and foremost materialistically — about his money, career, possessions and status. Instead of, 'he's the most wonderful, caring and loving guy,' it's: 'Oh my gosh! He owns a big ranch, an airplane and a home in Colorado. Or, he's a prominent doctor or lawyer with a six figure income, a Ferrari and a mansion on two acres.'"

"They'll then rave about all the fancy places their taken to like posh restaurants and exotic trips. The problem is that many of these so-called supermen end up being not so super and loving soul mates inside. When the romance wears off, and the real man steps out from behind the superman cape, my friends are again hurt, used, abused and disappointed in love."

What's the solution to the money seduction trap?

1. Realize money can be a luring trap and that you can fall (or have fallen) into it.

2. Look to see if you're falling into it the money trap and why. Here are some common reasons why women get caught up in it:


The Cinderella Syndrome — some women are still waiting for Prince Charming to come rescue them from life's problems so they won't have to take the responsibility of their own lives.


Piggy-backing — they're insecure and need to piggyback on someone else's success and prestige to build their own self-esteem.


Making up for lost time — they feel the clock on their life's dreams and goals running out of time. They want to go for the gusto, glory and glitz while they still can.


The plain, old fear factor — unlike young love in their 20s that would just "somehow conquer all," they're scared about their job stability, lack of savings and retirement.


3. Find out what help you need to give yourself to avoid it in the future and get that help. Fix your own problems within yourself and then don't walk down that same money dead end street again.

4. Look for the "total love match." Get your "What makes a great love match for me" list out and review it again. Check him out against it once, twice or as many times as needed. While money is important for anyone's survival and lifestyle, look for the "total love match." And don't settle for less — even as alluring (but sometimes dead-end) as all that wealth can be.

5. Use the power of online dating with its wide selection of new people to meet, its member profile information and great communication avenues to really get to know the "whole person."

Of course, money matters are an important part of the love equation. But, if there's not much else in the relationship, you may end up poor in some of the most important things in life — like family, loving relationships, and self love and respect.

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