Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The following article was written by New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman teams with counselor Jennifer Thomas and will solve many problems for many couples and lovers.
Many people do not know how to admit their ofences and say I am sorry.
They will cheat and will never repent.
They will hurt their wife and will never show regret.
They will rather grumble than be humble.
But the more you grumble the more you will continue to stumble.
I want to share it with you.
The Five Languages of Apology
We are experts at wronging each other, but when it comes to setting things right, we all could use some help. New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman teams with counselor Jennifer Thomas in an eye-opening study of one of the most important yet least understood pillars of human relationships: the apology. Surprisingly, saying “I’m sorry,” isn’t primarily a matter of will—it’s a matter of how.
“Expressing Regret” is the Apology Language that zeroes in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. For those who listen for “Expressing Regret” apologies, a simple “I’m sorry” is all they look for. There is no need for explanation or “pay back” provided the apology has truly come from the heart. “Expressing Regret” is a powerful Apology Language because it gets right to the point. It doesn’t make excuses or attempt to deflect blame. Above all, “Expressing Regret” takes ownership of the wrong. For that reason, “Expressing Regret” is understood as a sincere commitment to repair and rebuild the relationship. The “Expressing Regret” Apology Language speaks most clearly when the person offering the apology reflects sincerity not only verbally, but also through body language. Unflinching eye contact and a gentle, but firm touch are two ways that body language can underscore sincerity.
It is very difficult for some people to admit that they’re wrong. It makes them doubt their self-worth, and no one likes to be portrayed as a failure. However, as adults, we must all admit that we are sinners and that we will make mistakes. We are going to make poor decisions that hurt our mates, and we are going to have to admit that we were wrong. We have to accept responsibility for our own failures. For many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, “I am wrong.” If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere. Many partners need to learn how to overcome their ego, the desire to not be viewed as a failure, and simply admit that their actions were wrong. For a mate who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes. Though this may be hard to do for some people, it makes a world of a difference to your partner who speaks this language.
In our society, many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing. A mate who speaks this love language feels the same way towards apologies. They believe that in order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The mate who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their mate still loves them.
There are many effective ways to demonstrate sincerity in an apology. Each mate must learn the other’s love language in order to complete the act of restitution. Though some mates may feel a though all is forgotten with a bouquet of flowers, that may not necessarily work for all mates. Every mate should uncover what their partner’s main love language is (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts) and use that specific language in order to make restitutions in the most effective way.
For a mate whose primary apology language is making restitutions, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, your mate will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you still love your mate and have a desire to right the wrong-doings committed.
For some individuals, repentance is the convincing factor in an apology. Some mates will doubt the sincerity of an apology if it is not accompanied by their partner’s desire to modify their behavior to avoid the situation in the future.
It’s important to remember that all true repentance begins in the heart. A mate must feel poorly for hurting their loved one, and rely on God’s help in order to truly change. Admitting you are wrong creates vulnerability. It allows your mate to get a glimpse of your heart. The glimpse of true self is assurance that the apology was sincere.
One important aspect of genuinely repenting is verbalizing your desire to change. Your mate cannot read your mind. Though you may be trying to change inside, if you do not verbalize your desire to change to your mate, most likely they will still be hurt.
Many people have problems with repenting when they do not feel as though their actions were morally wrong. However, in a healthy relationship, we often make changes that have nothing to do with morality and everything to do with building a harmonious marriage.
It is also important to make a dedicated plan for change. Often apologies involving repentance fail because the person never set up steps of action to help ensure success. A person must first set goals for their change. After you create realistic goals, then you can start implementing a plan to change. Taking baby steps towards repentance instead of insisting on changing all at once will increase your chances of successfully changing your ways.
It is important to remember that change is hard. Constructive change does not mean we will immediately be successful. There will be highs and lows on the road to change. You must remember that with God’s help, anyone can change their ways if they are truly and genuinely ready to repent.
In some relationships, a mate wants to hear their partner physically ask for forgiveness. They want assurance that their mate recognizes the need for forgiveness. By asking forgiveness for their actions, a partner is really asking their mate to still love them. Requesting forgiveness assures your mate that you want to see the relationship fully restored. It also proves to your mate that you are sincerely sorry for what you’ve done. It shows that you realize you’ve done something wrong. Requesting forgiveness also shows that you are willing to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the offended mate. You are leaving the final decision up to your partner – to forgive or not forgive.
Requesting forgiveness is not easy. It often leaves one vulnerable to the fear of rejection. Along with the fear of rejection is the fear of failing. Many people have a hard time seeking forgiveness because it means admitting that you have failed. The only way to overcome this fear is to recognize that it is very common amongst mankind. The commonality makes it okay to be a failure. It allows a stubborn mate to apologize to their partner and become a healthy individual.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that there is a difference between asking for forgiveness and DEMANDING forgiveness. When we demand forgiveness, we tend to forget the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice the offended party is supposed to make. Demanding forgiveness takes away the sincerity of asking for it.
Remember not to treat forgiveness lightly. It is something to be cherished and appreciated. The act of forgiveness is hard on both ends – for the person who’s asking and for the person who’s accepting.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts ~ Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages of Children ~ Gary Chapman
The Marriage You've Always Wanted ~ Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages Singles Edition ~ Gary Chapman
The Heart of the Five Love Languages ~ Gary Chapman
Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way ~ Gary Chapman
Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship ~ Gary Chapman
The Four Seasons of Marriage ~ Gary Chapman
Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides) ~ Gary Chapman
Hope For the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed (Chapman, Gary) ~ Gary Chapman
Friday, June 25, 2010
Hey Michael Chima,
It's all about dreaming big this week! On the cover, I'm wearing Zoë Damacela, a clothing designer who's only 17!! Her dream was to be a designer, what's yours? Tell me in the Dream Vault! I can't wait to read all of them.
Fierce & Love,
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
You came to me in the robes of Cyclamen
But how can I bring you a bouquet of red chrysanthemums?
When I have not found any white chrysanthemums in the bouquet of your heart?
Do not pluck the petals of my pure daisies with your eyes closed, lest you would be fooled by your wild guesses.
Because, you do not need to set your foot on twelve daisies before you can see the dawn of your spring
I will give you neither white nor red daisies after the last swallow of summer has flown away from your alcove, lest your dreams of them in autumn leave you heartbroken in winter.
In my wanderlust quest for Ivy
I did not find you in the bloom of Orange Blossom or in Lemon Blossom
But I found you entangled in the paphiopedilum orchids of Phaphos With a garland of Peach Blossom dangling from your ringed neck
Like a rose entangled in your own thorns
Then I disentangled you before I led you to the lyceum of my Muses
They welcomed you with the petals of Apple Blossom cast at your bleeding feet.
They wiped your tears away with the golden petals of yellow roses and bathed you in the pool of the Coral Rose.
They covered you with the Peach Rose and led you into the bed of my Rose of Persia before I came to you with my bouquet of the white Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley.
By Ekenyerengozi Michael Chima, the author of four books, Children of Heaven, Scarlet Tears of London, Bye, Bye, Mugabe, The Nigerian Fools Who Think They Can Fool God and the new book Barack Obama: In the Eyes of the Storm will be released in Fall, and he is also an illustrator of over 12 booklets on Family Planning, FGM and other subjects.
Friday, June 18, 2010
IPM MODEL MANAGEMENT MODELSPlus Size Models Sizzle in this Year's Hottest Carmen Marc Valvo 2010 Swimsuit Collection. Relaunching IPM Model Management 10/20 Division. (PRNewsFoto/IPM Model Management)
17 Jun 2010 17:00 Africa/Lagos
Top New York City Plus-Size Model Agency Celebrates Curves
NEW YORK, June 17 /PRNewswire/ -- IPM Model Management, Inc., a premier plus-size agency located in the heart of one of the world's leading fashion capitals, is rewriting the rules for the plus-size modeling industry.
(Photo: http://photos.prnewswire.com/prnh/20100617/NY21387 )
(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20100617/NY21387 )
IPM Model Management is working on its re-launch to demonstrate its commitment to plus models. Currently, the agency represents an impressive group of models from all backgrounds and ethnicities, including two models from the popular reality television show, America's Next Top Model.
The agency pairs models with fashion industry leaders like Michael Kors, Calvin Klein, Elena Miro, Lane Bryant, House of Dereon and Ashley Stewart. It also works with magazines such as O Magazine, Essence and Glamour, to name a few.
"IPM Model Management is my go-to choice agency when I'm looking for beautiful professional, true-to-size, curvy models," says Raquel Boler, booking editor at Essence magazine.
IPM models have appeared in campaigns and shoot for Redcats, Ali, Junonia, Torrid, Baby Phat, Ashley Stewart, Slim Fast, Vanity Fair, and has worked with dozens of other high-profile clients.
This dynamic plus-size modeling agency has also landed talent contracts in films such as Bewitched, I Am Legend, Knowing and American Gangster. Television appearances are numerous and include: All My Children, The Today show, The View , Good Morning America, Ugly Betty, Mercy, Lipstick Jungle, Sex and the City and more.
"When my clients request plus-size models, IPM is my agency of choice," says Chantelle Fraser of New York's Flawless Event Staffing and Casting. "It's the best specialty agency in New York."
The agency continues to seek fresh faces for its spring and summer roster.
About IPM Model Management
For more than 20 years, Fallon Sinclair has worked in the fashion industry. Prior to founding IPM Model Management in 2001, she began modeling on the local circuit as a plus-sized runway model where a successful career was launched. She signed on with the legendary Elite Model Agency in Chicago and also went on to create and direct the plus size division at Ikon Model Management.
IPM Model Management provides top, plus-size models to the fashion and entertainment industries. It's committed to maintaining a reputation that is synonymous with style and fashion through its innovative approach to talent acquisition and to focusing on long-term partnerships that are beneficial to both talent and clients. The company also maintains offices in Chicago, Miami and Los Angeles.
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CONTACT: Fallon Sinclair of IPM Model Management, +1-212-213-1977,
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
Photo Credit: Tradebit
The SECURITY of a COUPLE depends on their FIDELITY.
Anyone who cheats on you can as well kill you.
Let me be very blunt, because if anyone truly loves you he or she will never cheat on you.
Infidelity is an act of betrayal.
Adultery is treachery.
Imagine a young woman who was homeless and starving and a single man took her in to provide for her.
Then she met another man and slept with him within 48 hours without even asking for a drink. Whilst she was sleeping with the new man, the boyfriend was waiting for her, because she locked the door to their flat and went away with the keys to sleep with another man.
I was dumb founded when I saw her telling lies to her boyfriend.
She was one of my models and I dismissed her on that very day for cheating on her boyfriend.
A young woman once called that she wanted to see me at my place at 10 pm.
"Have you told your boyfriend?"
The boyfriend is a good friend.
"No," she replied.
"Please, tell him and let him escort you," I said.
She did not come again and she never tried again.
Another young woman asked for money to register for a contest and I told her to let her boyfriend know.
"I don't want him to know, because he would not allow me to go for the contest," she said.
"Well, I cannot give you any money without his knowledge," I replied.
She left and stopped talking to me for a while.
Two months later she returned and wanted to flirt. But I showed her the photograph of my woman and told her how much I loved my sweetheart.
She sighed and left.
Temptations will come. But you can turn your back on cheating and lying.
Your life is worth saving than some temporary pleasures of sexual intercourse.
If you know you cannot be faithful to your partner, please make it clear and be free in an open relationship of free love.
Love is not by force.
Friday, June 04, 2010
3 Jun 2010 22:05 Africa/Lagos
Grammy® Award-Winning Rapper T.I. Takes Center Stage for Long Awaited Comeback Performance at the BET AWARDS '10
R&B Singer John Legend to Receive Humanitarian Award
NEW YORK, June 3 /PRNewswire/ -- Every year BET brings you the hottest awards show on cable television and this year will be no different. Hosted by entertainment superstar Queen Latifah with performances by Nicki Minaj, Drake, Trey Songz and Diddy-Dirty Money the BET AWARDS '10 promises to bring the house down!
(Logo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20070716/BETNETWORKSLOGO )
"King of the South." Multi-platinum, rap heavyweight T.I.
Newly added to the line-up is the highly anticipated and explosive return of the "King of the South." Multi-platinum, rap heavyweight T.I. will hit the stage in his first, televised performance since his release. BET is pulling out all the stops this year bringing you the biggest and best in music, sports, television, and entertainment.
Six-time GRAMMY® Award-winning artist and philanthropist John Legend will be awarded the 2010 Humanitarian Award for his work to end poverty through education.
It's impossible to contain that much star power and entertainment into one night. In celebration, BET will highlight some of the greatest moments from the past nine BET AWARDS in a one-hour special titled, "Smash!! The Best of the BET Awards," premiering on June 14 at 10:00 P.M.* Full performances from "Smash!! The Best of the BET Awards" will be available on BET.com/BETAwards.
Do you remember when Monique did Crazy in Love? What about the reunion of the girl groups TLC and SWV? How about when Usher defied gravity by dancing on the wall? Or Michael Jackson with James Brown? All of these moments and more took place on the BET AWARDS stage! The show will not only feature clips from past shows, but also behind-the-scenes commentary from the celebrities and staff who made many of these unforgettable moments possible. It's going to be an hour that you won't want to miss.
Best International Act
Kojo Antwi (Ghana)
Dizzee Rascal (UK)
Hip Hop Pantsula (HHP)
Corinne Bailey Rae (UK)
The BET AWARDS '10 will broadcast live from the Los Angeles' Shrine Auditorium on Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 8:00 P.M.*
BET INTERNATIONAL will also premiere the BET AWARDS in the 54 countries across the UK, Middle East and Africa on Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 7:00 P.M. GMT; 8:00 P.M. BST; 9:00 P.M. CAT; 10:00 P.M. KSA.
BET has once again teamed with Cossette Productions, the famed producers of the GRAMMY® Awards and the nine record-setting BET AWARDS shows, to handle production of the telecast. Stephen Hill, President, Music Programming and Specials, BET Networks, along with Lynne Harris-Taylor, Vice President of Specials, BET Networks, will executive produce the telecast.
Additionally, BET has secured a deal with the Upfront Market Group who will be providing a 360 degree camera for extra glitz and glamour for the BET AWARDS red carpet coverage.
For continuous BET AWARDS '10 updates, please visit: http://www.bet.com/betawards. Stay on the pulse of any and everything relating to the BET AWARDS '10 through our Twitter page at www.twitter.com/BETAWARDS (hash tag: #BETAWARDS) and Facebook fan page at www.facebook.com/TheBETAwards.
*all times ET/PT
About BET Networks
BET Networks, a division of Viacom Inc. (NYSE:VIA) (NYSE:VIA.B) , is the nation's leading provider of quality entertainment, music, news and public affairs television programming for the African-American audience. The primary BET channel reaches more than 90 million households and can be seen in the United States, Canada, the Caribbean, the United Kingdom and sub-Saharan Africa. BET is the dominant African-American consumer brand with a diverse group of business extensions: BET.com, a leading Internet destination for Black entertainment, music, culture, and news; CENTRIC, a 24-hour entertainment network targeting the 25- to 54-year-old African-American audience; BET Digital Networks - BET Gospel and BET Hip Hop, attractive alternatives for cutting-edge entertainment tastes; BET Home Entertainment, a collection of BET-branded offerings for the home environment including DVDs and video-on-demand; BET Event Productions, a full-scale event management and production company with festivals and live events spanning the globe; BET Mobile, which provides ringtones, games and video content for wireless devices; and BET International, which operates BET in the United Kingdom, Middle East & Africa and oversees the extension of BET network programming for global distribution.
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CLICK HERE FOR THE COMPLETE LIST OF BET AWARDS '10 NOMINEES AND CATEGORIES