"When Loving You Is Killing Me!"

TK JORDAN
When Loving You Is Killing Me!
Move From Pain to Promise!

When Ronnie first saw him he was standing in the house of God, with his hands lifted towards heaven. His gaze intensely fixed on an invisible Savior. He was beautiful. His lips were offering praises to our God. That made him even more beautiful. He stood taller than any man that Ronnie had ever seen. He looked seven feet tall, a tower of masculine beauty. His skin was the color of hot caramel. His eyes were slightly slanted as if a hint of the orient flowed through his blood. He was impeccably dressed, as if he’d just stepped out of GQ Magazine. His lips were perfectly shaped, smooth and flawless, the kind of lips you would expect to find on an angel. He had the perfect lips to hug a microphone and could preach fire down from heaven.

Ronnie fell in love with those lips, but was unaware that she would soon find out that those same lips, those anointed lips, those lips that preached the Gospel, preferred rather to cover the warm stem of a crack pipe.....


I had not gotten out of the bed since the night Eric left, which was seven days ago. I had a nervous breakdown. Well, I don’t know how nervous it was but trust me, I was BROKE DOWN!

“You need to get out of that bed! Girl look at you, your hair is a mess, you ain’t brushed your teeth in a week and you look like you stank! Tammy yelled. She’s always yelling, why don’t she just leave. I thought to myself.

I snatched the cover back from Tammy and buried my head under the cover. I began to cry. Again. A deep cry, the kind that rattles your soul. “I just can’t do this right now.” I pleaded with my friend through sobs. “I’m so hurt Tammy, I haven’t even heard from Eric. How could he do this? How could he just leave me? Where is he? Who is he with? What is he doing?
Tammy looked at her friend, lying there seemingly in one piece yet broken into many.

“Honestly Ronnie, I don’t even know what to say. I’m so mad at that sorry, no good excuse for a man. He has some nerve.” I held up my hand as if to say enough. “Don’t do that Tammy!” I warned, with fresh tears flowing down my face. "I love him!”
I screamed. Tammy sat on the edge of my bed. “Listen Ronnie.” She said, with true compassion. “I’m sorry Ronnie. I know that you love Eric.” Tammy pauses, carefully choosing her words. She doesn’t want to inflict any further pain on her fragile friend. “But Ronnie, this is not love! I’m sorry, but you need to hear this."

Tammy grabbed my arms and pulled me to a sitting position. “Ronnie you deserve better.” I looked questioningly at her. I guess I didn’t believe her. I looked across the room and spotted my image in the mirror. My mouth dropped open as I stared at the stranger in the mirror, seeing myself for the first time in a week. Who is this pitiful looking woman? Her hair dirty and wild. Deep bags and dark circles competed for first place under my eyes. Zeroing in on the sadness in those eyes, I crawled to the edge of the bed. “Ronnie, what’s wrong?” Tammy asked nervously. As if hit with a bolt of lightening, I jumped from the bed and quickly moved closer to the mirror. “I know those eyes.” I whispered, moving even closer to the mirror and pointing at my image in the mirror. “I know those eyes.” I repeated, this time more loudly, frantically shaking my head. Yes, I had seen those pain filled eyes before. “Those are my mother’s eyes.” I reached out, I extended my hand and I lovingly touched the reflection in the mirror. I gently wiped the tears from my mother’s eyes, I mean from the reflection in the mirror. No, I mean from my mother’s eyes. But this time she wasn’t crying for her. She was crying tears for me.

Eric called after two weeks of being missing in action. He called pledging his love, pleading for forgiveness. He asked me to move to Germany with him. To leave my family and friends and follow him! I was speechless.
Ronnie? Please forgive me, please talk to me.” He pleaded.
I couldn’t even answer him because then he would know that I was crying.
“Ronnie you don’t have to talk to me, just listen. He said.
“No you listen! I screamed. “Forgive you? You want me to forgive you Eric? Well what does that mean? Does forgiving you mean that I have to let you hurt me over and over again? Does forgiving you mean that I should act as if nothing happened? Does it mean that you won’t do this to me again? Does forgiving you mean this pain will stop?
I lose it now and break down in tears.

I sat holding the phone long after Eric had hung up. I cried because he had hurt me so bad. I cried because I couldn’t bring myself to say all of the mean, nasty things I had rehearsed for whenever he did get up the nerve to call. I also cried because I already knew that I would go with him. I cried because I was a prisoner, imprisoned by my low self esteem, imprisoned by my fear of loneliness, imprisoned by my love for this man. No matter how much I ached to be free, I was not.


Who is TK Jordan?

"TK Jordan will reach many through her literary works that we who hold a microphone will NEVER be able to reach!"
"Pastor Diana Lyles" - Victory First Presbyterian Deliverance Church, Atlantic City, NJ"

TK Jordan is fast emerging as the Danielle Steel of the Christian Literary World!" "Pastor Ronald Dewberry" - New Life Temple of Praise, Syracuse, NY

The Love That I Was Searching For Could Never Have Come From a M.A.N!" They just did not possess that much Power, and I needed a lot of POWER!" " TK Jordan"

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