Dear Sweetheart,
1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports
section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on
regarding the World of Soccer, and that way you will be able to join in
the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in
a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not
receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times,
without any exceptions. If you even look at the remote
control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting
me.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require
a refill of my drink or something to eat. If you expect me to listen to you, open the door,
answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor, It won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in
the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on
(except your body parts )and please do not make any funny faces to
my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will
be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good
game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my
team is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't
worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only
make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever
know more about football than me.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk
to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if
the half time scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am
saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy
excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I
have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again, Many
times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child
related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but
you have already seen this, why don't you change the channel to
something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule
#2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the
World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because
before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Super
14, Spanish League, KPL, Grand Prix, Tri Nations, etc.
P/S
By the way if you get stuck on the road call 911 or AA.
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
PS:
Sent by Tolu Oladipo.
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